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What that title says.
I get that part of Savage's deal is being outrageous and being "tough love", Mr DTMFA, etc. Certainly, there has been advice he's given I've agreed with, but I've always been aware of his unfortunate tendency to be a complete douchebag from time to time.
This is one of those times.
Quick summary: The letter writer is a woman in an open relationship. Five months ago she was assaulted by a former partner. Since then, she "cannot stand" sex with her husband. She flips out if he initiates, her skin crawls and she's panicky and repulsed. She has even gone along with it and only felt angry and disgusted. The thing is, she finds sex with her boyfriend healing and amazing.
This is devastating to her husband, who feels unloved and rejected; is hurt, angry, and depressed; and she does admit she doesn't think she will ever be able to go back to the way things were before.
(Exactly why one is triggering and the other isn't is not made clear - she may well not know, of course.)
Dan's response?
"You're being a total shit."
Fuck you, Dan.
Look, I'm sympathetic with the husband, for reasons many of you will probably guess. It hurts a great deal to be told you're important to someone but they find you repulsive. It's even worse when the only person they are involved with they don't desire is you. Sex is a big part of many relationships and a sudden change like this can feel unfair and deeply hurtful. I get that, even if it sounds like in his panic to hold onto the relationship he is behaving in ways that aren't helpful.
But where the HELL does Savage get off telling this woman that she's being a shit? He's one step away from recommending she just fuck her husband anyway because she owes him sex (Something he's recommended before), which my recent experience has just cemented as the absolute WORST possible thing you can recommend someone since it pretty much guarantees everything will get worse.
But even if he's trying to say "You have a commitment to a relationship - one to the point of marriage - and you need to address that first, even if that's painful. You and your husband will need to both come together and figure out what this means for your relationship going forward, and that may mean some difficult conflicts and repercussions for your other relationship as well. This may mean you need to respect how the situation with your boyfriend is causing stress on the relationship with your husband" (not that I'm sure what he was going for, or even if that's the best advice to give), he could do it in a way that isn't being a callous bastard.
Dear lord, man, show some fucking compassion! Telling her she's a total shit and that she should stop using what happened to her as a "Get Out of Being a Human Being Free Card"?
Fuck you, Dan. Seriously. Fuck you.
I get that part of Savage's deal is being outrageous and being "tough love", Mr DTMFA, etc. Certainly, there has been advice he's given I've agreed with, but I've always been aware of his unfortunate tendency to be a complete douchebag from time to time.
This is one of those times.
Quick summary: The letter writer is a woman in an open relationship. Five months ago she was assaulted by a former partner. Since then, she "cannot stand" sex with her husband. She flips out if he initiates, her skin crawls and she's panicky and repulsed. She has even gone along with it and only felt angry and disgusted. The thing is, she finds sex with her boyfriend healing and amazing.
This is devastating to her husband, who feels unloved and rejected; is hurt, angry, and depressed; and she does admit she doesn't think she will ever be able to go back to the way things were before.
(Exactly why one is triggering and the other isn't is not made clear - she may well not know, of course.)
Dan's response?
"You're being a total shit."
Fuck you, Dan.
Look, I'm sympathetic with the husband, for reasons many of you will probably guess. It hurts a great deal to be told you're important to someone but they find you repulsive. It's even worse when the only person they are involved with they don't desire is you. Sex is a big part of many relationships and a sudden change like this can feel unfair and deeply hurtful. I get that, even if it sounds like in his panic to hold onto the relationship he is behaving in ways that aren't helpful.
But where the HELL does Savage get off telling this woman that she's being a shit? He's one step away from recommending she just fuck her husband anyway because she owes him sex (Something he's recommended before), which my recent experience has just cemented as the absolute WORST possible thing you can recommend someone since it pretty much guarantees everything will get worse.
But even if he's trying to say "You have a commitment to a relationship - one to the point of marriage - and you need to address that first, even if that's painful. You and your husband will need to both come together and figure out what this means for your relationship going forward, and that may mean some difficult conflicts and repercussions for your other relationship as well. This may mean you need to respect how the situation with your boyfriend is causing stress on the relationship with your husband" (not that I'm sure what he was going for, or even if that's the best advice to give), he could do it in a way that isn't being a callous bastard.
Dear lord, man, show some fucking compassion! Telling her she's a total shit and that she should stop using what happened to her as a "Get Out of Being a Human Being Free Card"?
Fuck you, Dan. Seriously. Fuck you.
