Things to like about Montreal

I've used that title before.

It's nice when this city goes a little bit mad with hockey. I don't appreciate the riots (and even if I did support them, I feel you don't bust out the flaming cars and broken windows until you win the cup. A second round win? That's like giving a standing ovation for a show just because you know someone in the cast. It's weak.)

It's nice to be working on a Fringe show, even if I'm not acting in it. Production is a necessary part of the pie as well.

It's nice to be an escort/guide/help to someone here to lose herself in dancing for 5 days, even if I won't get to see her due to the event schedule and her boyfiend has explicitly demanded she not hang out with me.

It's nice for dive bar bartenders to remember you despite you not being a regular or even coming in more than once a month, and buy you a beer because they remember you're out of work but looking.

It's nice having a family doctor again. I like that he didn't blink when I asked for a batter of STI tests, asked why, and wholeheartedly supported the "I moved back seven months ago and have no reason to suspect anything, I just prefer getting tested now that I have health care card again."

(All negative, btw, not surprising given my sex life or lack thereof.)

Him asking about my depression was also nice.

The food here is good, too. :)

Strange Sex Laws

This got linked to a while ago, but I forgot to post about it.

Odd sex laws.

As always with such lists, I suspect many are urban legends and not really on the books. Nonetheless, I tend to wish they are true because this desire to legislate desire always amuses and horrifies me.

Of course, I am proud to know that if this list is true I have broken the law in Massachusetts.

Some of my favourites:

* In New York an old law means you can be fined $25 for flirting. (Rumours that this is why I left New York and am so in debt are unfounded.)

* ...in Oregon it's illegal to whisper "dirty" things in your lover's ear during sex.

* A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

* If both parties voluntary participate in 'unnatural intercourse' in Mississippi they are liable to a maximum sentence of 10 years in prison and a $10,000 fine.

* ... in Walnut, San Francisco men may not dress as a female unless a special permit is obtained from the sheriff and in Florida it's illegal for a man to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

* ... if bestiality is your cup of tea, and you're a man, then head over to West Virginia where it's legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.

* In Thailand it's illegal to leave your house if you aren't wearing underwear.

* In the state of Arizona it is illegal to have more than two dildos in the same house.

The "Guard Your Cow" approach to Domestic Violence Prevention

I am sure many of you have seen this on Facebook.

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man wishing he could talk softly in her ear. While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND and INSULT her, there's a man flirting with her and reminding her how wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there's a man wishing he could make love to her. While you make your woman CRY there's a man stealing smiles from her... Post this on your wall if you're against Domestic Violence.

Unsurprisingly, many people have pointed out the deep fail that is inherent here. This has nothing to do with a moral argument, or any acknowledgment of the women involved as thinking, feeling human beings with agency of their own. It is simply, "if you don't treat your cow well, then someone will come along and take your cow and then you will be sad".

So yeah. Fail.

Except that I've grown cynical in my time. I may view this as fail, but I think we've established by now that my instincts on people and how they should behave are terrible exemplars for what to do in the real world. In the real world, you are effective by appealing to people in terms that reinforce their frame about the world, not ones that challenge them. That's one of the reasons advertising is so reactionary... it works like that. Don't try and sell toys to girls by saying they can be anything, just reinforce the current frame of them being princesses.

So this may actually be vastly more effective than pointing out that women are complete human beings who have their own rights. It's casting out the idea that reinforcing your dominance by beating "your woman" will backfire and you will lose the marker of your dominant status. Telling people like this that beating your partner is bad doesn't get through, because it is saying "give up your dominant status marker without any reward".

It is like a recent discussion I saw on Yes Means Yes concerning rapists. Someone came on and explained repeatedly that convincing men they shouldn't rape because it is wrong isn't going to work on it's own. You have to convince them they shouldn't rape, and that other men won't back them up but will instead kick the living shit out of them. If the language they understand is violence and dominance, then express it all in those terms.

Part of me doesn't believe this, of course. I would like to think an appeal to morality would work. But after years of watching politics and personal interaction, I am less optimistic than I once was. You need to tell people a story that gets the behaviour you want by making it seem like it makes sense in their terms. Yes, it is unethical and grotesque, but then it seems to get people what they want in relationships and probably will in this scenario as well.

Yes it reinforces the frame of "Woman=property/reward", which is repugnant. In some ways it is like the people who argue against torture by saying it is ineffective. We lost the moral argument some time ago, so using their own frame is all we have left.

A while ago, there was a discussion in a few places about women as property in the libertarian philosophy and the idea that women were more free when they were property which seems sort of relevant to the discussion.

Reasons my sister is awesome, #9774 in an on-going series.

The May 12 "InnerSpace", about 40 seconds in.