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lightcastle(If you don't consider that title a trigger warning, I am not sure what more I can do here.)
In the light of the Assange case, there's a bunch of posts and links I've been sitting on that I'm going to dump here. Some go back a few months, they aren't in any way limited to Assange. I don't have much more to say on that, personally, so I will pass it over to Sady Doyle and Jacyln Friedman, who pretty much cover it for me.
Of course, much of the issue with the Assange case, among others, concern the attitude so many have about what *is* considered an appropriate level of consent, such as seen in this recent study from the UK on attitudes about rape and consent. Note, however, it is unclear whether or not this was random. It looks like it might just be a volunteer online survey, in which case it is pretty worthless. I really can't pin down the methodology. Some of the results were surprising to me, like the high percentage of people who don't think that a "Yes" from their partner actually means "yes".
That brings me to an old post from this summer on Consent and coming out. It touches on the fact that you might intellectually be aware that "Knowing your preferences and your limits is an important part of having a satisfying sex life." but that if you aren't acknowledging what your real desires are, that isn't helping, since you are probably convincing yourself to do things you don't actually want.
I'm not sure she's using "enthusiastic" in that unfortunate way people do where instead of meaning "active consent" it means something more like "must be totally mind-blowingly positive about it" - which I don't think is quite what the term was originally supposed to be. Nonetheless, the core of that paragraph resonates a lot for me, as it is something my personal history has taught me to be constantly worried about. (Which is kind of exhausting.) It also plays in, I think, to the "yes doesn't necessarily mean yes" thing.
So to balance that out, we go to the more positive side of things, a quick-start guide on How to Fuck for those without time to RTFM. (Overlaps somewhat with the "How not to be an asshole to someone you are having sex with" guide I posted earlier.)
Clarisse Thorn proposed her fantasy sex-positive, anti-abuse program.
While this isn't that, Mick Foley has been leveraging his privilege for good about this for a while now.
Meanwhile, in Edmonton, an anti-rape campaign that actually focuses on the men.
In the light of the Assange case, there's a bunch of posts and links I've been sitting on that I'm going to dump here. Some go back a few months, they aren't in any way limited to Assange. I don't have much more to say on that, personally, so I will pass it over to Sady Doyle and Jacyln Friedman, who pretty much cover it for me.
Of course, much of the issue with the Assange case, among others, concern the attitude so many have about what *is* considered an appropriate level of consent, such as seen in this recent study from the UK on attitudes about rape and consent. Note, however, it is unclear whether or not this was random. It looks like it might just be a volunteer online survey, in which case it is pretty worthless. I really can't pin down the methodology. Some of the results were surprising to me, like the high percentage of people who don't think that a "Yes" from their partner actually means "yes".
That brings me to an old post from this summer on Consent and coming out. It touches on the fact that you might intellectually be aware that "Knowing your preferences and your limits is an important part of having a satisfying sex life." but that if you aren't acknowledging what your real desires are, that isn't helping, since you are probably convincing yourself to do things you don't actually want.
My boyfriend and I did have sex, and it was something I had convinced myself (dishonestly) that I wanted. I had bought into the idea that I was supposed to want to have sex with my boyfriend, even when I could tell that I was not truly interested. The sex was not terrible or selfish on his part, but my interest only seemed to hold for a very brief time. This created a situation in which I rarely initiated sex. It also meant that enthusiastic consent was not something that was practiced in our relationship.
I'm not sure she's using "enthusiastic" in that unfortunate way people do where instead of meaning "active consent" it means something more like "must be totally mind-blowingly positive about it" - which I don't think is quite what the term was originally supposed to be. Nonetheless, the core of that paragraph resonates a lot for me, as it is something my personal history has taught me to be constantly worried about. (Which is kind of exhausting.) It also plays in, I think, to the "yes doesn't necessarily mean yes" thing.
So to balance that out, we go to the more positive side of things, a quick-start guide on How to Fuck for those without time to RTFM. (Overlaps somewhat with the "How not to be an asshole to someone you are having sex with" guide I posted earlier.)
Clarisse Thorn proposed her fantasy sex-positive, anti-abuse program.
While this isn't that, Mick Foley has been leveraging his privilege for good about this for a while now.
Meanwhile, in Edmonton, an anti-rape campaign that actually focuses on the men.
