Creepy Sexuality?
Oct. 6th, 2010 10:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lightcastleClarisse Thorn wrote an article last week asking Why Do We Demonize Men Who Are Honest About Their Sexual Needs?, in which she argues that the toxic construction of male sexuality has resulted in it being pathologized. She uses the word "creep" as sort of the male equivalent of the way "slut" is used with women - a means to police and control their sexuality.
There are some good points in it, and I like the basic three points she ends with:
1) Accept male desire, and accept men's word when they talk about it.
2) Male sexuality should be approached from the concept of pleasure rather than accomplishment.
3) Let's all discourage sexuality that's actually predatory or non-consensual.
I'm sure you will all be shocked entirely none that those resonate with me.
But while I do think those are fine aims, I kind of agree with Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon when she argues that creep is still a useful word.
I think part of it is that I just don't think male desire is that demonized, to be honest. Certainly not by the people who are supporting better and more positive sex for all, anyway. Male sexuality as predicated on entitlement and subordination of women's desire is, and I don't see why it shouldn't be. (As a comment early on the Pandagon thread notes, the problem is a society that equates desire with entitlement to have that desire fulfilled.)
Ultimately, I find most of what people describe as "creepy" has everything to do with not respecting boundaries. A problem hardly limited to men. (Men are encouraged to be creepy, however.) This may be a case of I have a hammer and so I only see nails, but most examples people give seem to fall into exactly that, a refusal to accept the boundaries the other person sets up.
This is why, btw, just about everyone is capable of creepy behaviour at some point. Lord knows I've been accused of being creepy. One apologizes, and backs off. Creeps double down and insist they aren't at fault and continue the behaviour because they feel entitled to the response they want.
There are some good points in it, and I like the basic three points she ends with:
1) Accept male desire, and accept men's word when they talk about it.
2) Male sexuality should be approached from the concept of pleasure rather than accomplishment.
3) Let's all discourage sexuality that's actually predatory or non-consensual.
I'm sure you will all be shocked entirely none that those resonate with me.
But while I do think those are fine aims, I kind of agree with Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon when she argues that creep is still a useful word.
I think part of it is that I just don't think male desire is that demonized, to be honest. Certainly not by the people who are supporting better and more positive sex for all, anyway. Male sexuality as predicated on entitlement and subordination of women's desire is, and I don't see why it shouldn't be. (As a comment early on the Pandagon thread notes, the problem is a society that equates desire with entitlement to have that desire fulfilled.)
Ultimately, I find most of what people describe as "creepy" has everything to do with not respecting boundaries. A problem hardly limited to men. (Men are encouraged to be creepy, however.) This may be a case of I have a hammer and so I only see nails, but most examples people give seem to fall into exactly that, a refusal to accept the boundaries the other person sets up.
This is why, btw, just about everyone is capable of creepy behaviour at some point. Lord knows I've been accused of being creepy. One apologizes, and backs off. Creeps double down and insist they aren't at fault and continue the behaviour because they feel entitled to the response they want.
