lightcastle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lightcastle) wrote2010-10-05 10:25 pm
lightcastle) wrote2010-10-05 10:25 pm
I'm Sorry, I'm Canadian
I think mzrowan may have already covered it, but a recent study out of Waterloo found that women apologized more than men. (Abstract, although it does seem one of those "take less than 100 people nearby and use them as subjects" studies, so a spoonful of salt.)
Well, yes and no. What they found is that both men and women apologize about 80% of the time if they think they did something worth apologizing for. The thing was, women ended up apologizing far more often because they thought more things were apology-worthy.
"It seems to be that when they think they've done something wrong they do apologize just as frequently as when women think they've done something wrong. It's just that they think they've done fewer things wrong."
Without the study I don't have an exact list, so I can't tell how much of that is what Sarah used to call "Canadian Sorry" - where you apologize as sympathy.
The article got mentioned on Feministe and one commentator pointed out the problem with measuring "sorry" - it gets used in so many ways.
I think there definitely needs to be a distinction between the varied meaning of “Sorry.”
1) There’s “I’m genuinely sorry that I did something wrongful that caused you distress.” For example an apology that follows after saying something hateful.
2) There’s “I’m sorry something I did caused you distress regardless of whether I intended to do so.” For example accidentally spilling something on someone.
3) There’s “I’m sorry something awful happened to you (regardless of whether I had anything to do with it.” For example I’m sorry you’re sick.
4) There’s “I’m sorry to be an inconvenience.” I.e., the two people going through the door at the same time.
5) There’s “I’m sorry for breaking some social nicety.” I.e., apologizing for having the hiccups.
I think its reasonable that USian woman do 4 & 5 more than men. I’m not sure there is much of a difference on 1 & 3. I’m less certain about 2.
I do think teasing out which "sorry" people are using would be interesting.
Also of note was that men also thought less offenses were committed against them, implying it isn't just an attitude of "I can do no wrong" going on here.
Well, yes and no. What they found is that both men and women apologize about 80% of the time if they think they did something worth apologizing for. The thing was, women ended up apologizing far more often because they thought more things were apology-worthy.
"It seems to be that when they think they've done something wrong they do apologize just as frequently as when women think they've done something wrong. It's just that they think they've done fewer things wrong."
Without the study I don't have an exact list, so I can't tell how much of that is what Sarah used to call "Canadian Sorry" - where you apologize as sympathy.
The article got mentioned on Feministe and one commentator pointed out the problem with measuring "sorry" - it gets used in so many ways.
I think there definitely needs to be a distinction between the varied meaning of “Sorry.”
1) There’s “I’m genuinely sorry that I did something wrongful that caused you distress.” For example an apology that follows after saying something hateful.
2) There’s “I’m sorry something I did caused you distress regardless of whether I intended to do so.” For example accidentally spilling something on someone.
3) There’s “I’m sorry something awful happened to you (regardless of whether I had anything to do with it.” For example I’m sorry you’re sick.
4) There’s “I’m sorry to be an inconvenience.” I.e., the two people going through the door at the same time.
5) There’s “I’m sorry for breaking some social nicety.” I.e., apologizing for having the hiccups.
I think its reasonable that USian woman do 4 & 5 more than men. I’m not sure there is much of a difference on 1 & 3. I’m less certain about 2.
I do think teasing out which "sorry" people are using would be interesting.
Also of note was that men also thought less offenses were committed against them, implying it isn't just an attitude of "I can do no wrong" going on here.